Earthblog

This week we hear from Tanya, Beatrice, Alex, Paul and Susanne...

Flow is...something I have done so anyone can do it

Susanne writes... Why Flow? There were many reasons why I wanted to do Flow, the most pressing one being that every time Jason mentioned it I had a little flutter in my heart and for me that usually means God is prompting me. It also seemed like a good idea because I have recently got divorced, and it was the start of my new life and the start of a New Year, and I wanted to put God at the helm of both.

On a more personal level I wanted to be able to quietly stand up for myself and not get confrontational and bolshy, and to be more patient, (especially when I am driving!) and not to be so critical. Not too much of an order then!

Basically, although I have been a Christian for a long time I still felt like a ‘baby’ Christian and decided that the time to grow up had arrived! I needed to be more rooted and stronger in the Lord.

Well the first Sunday of Flow found me in a panic, feeling a fraud and unable to leave the bathroom. So, of course, that is where God spoke to me as He does! And I heard him say ‘You did not choose to go on Flow, I chose you, and I do not make mistakes’. Well I’d been well and truly told! I didn’t think I had better argue anymore. After the service Jez came over and talked to me and said ‘Well if Suz can do Flow so can I’. There was my answer, God had chosen me to show others that you don’t have to be super spiritual to do Flow and that if I can do it, so can you.

After the first week of Flow, I felt very good with myself for being able to walk past, yes past, the M&S and Next sales. This was a brake through for me, as one of the reasons for Flow was my concern over my consumerism and how I was being sucked into creating a god of it rather than concentrating on knowing the real God. If I had used all that time wasted shopping on getting to know Jesus my life would be far richer now than it is; in the literal and spiritual sense! 

Over the 6 weeks of Flow I have certainly experienced the highs and lows of living in the spirit; I am either bouncing off the walls or grinning like a Cheshire cat or am a blubbering wreck on the floor, and all in the space of 5 minutes!

Using my brain after all these years proved a challenge but one I have grown to enjoy, and my morning quite time and prayers with God I now jealously guard as our special time together which no one is allowed to disturb. Like anything, you only get out of Flow what you are willing to put in, and I have had my moments when I have had a tantrum and wanted to give up, BUT, once I had pushed past that barrier things started to slip into place.

The old saying’ the more I learn the more there is to learn’ has never seemed more real. I realise how shallow I have lived most of my life and wonder how I am going to ever catch up with all the reading and knowledge and silences and prayer and action I should have been doing all my life. It is a daunting challenge to undertake, but I feel I have picked up the baton by being on Flow and I will persevere with the race though I may rise up and fall down many times.

I would like to thank all you guys who have made it possible for me to do Flow and for all your support and gentleness during it. Do I regret doing Flow? Certainly not. Would I have missed this chance? Never.

When I started Flow, I wanted to get just a glimpse of God and to know him in my heart as well as in my mind. I can now say that I have experienced the peace of God, the friendship of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit and I have fallen in love. I can’t wait to find out what other adventures we are going on together this year but I am so excited by what He has planned for me.

Flow is...more of a splutter but at least the tap is turned on

Paul writes... The image which 'Flow' conjures up in my mind of flowing water reminds my of a passage from Jeremiah which has stuck in my mind for years.

I heard it preached upon many years ago in a Scottish Presbyterian Church in Edinburgh. The whole service was memorable - there was no musical accompaniment to the hymns - the pews and wall panelling were all of a dark wood - and the preacher spoke from a pulpit high above us. The passage was 'My people have committed two sins, they have abandoned me the source of living water and hewn out for themselves cisterns - leaky cisterns that cannot hold water' (Jer 2 v13). The effort involved to dig or maybe carve out of solid rock tanks to hold water which would become stale and eventually leak away - rather than rely upon fresh flowing water from a spring I have found very powerful.  When I decided I would like to do Flow it was partly because I knew that I rely more upon my leaky cisterns  - of self reliance - than I do upon living waters from God.

My youngest is also keen on a bible story at bedtime and one he likes a lot is the parable of the rich farmer - who thinks that if he gets wealthy enough he will have enough stored up so that he can then start to enjoy life - but just when he is about to bring in the biggest harvest his farm has ever had and store it away in the 'biggest grandest barn the world has ever seen' he dies in his sleep - just like that! I can also see myself a lot in that man - hoping to just get this done so that I feel secure enough then to start to enjoy life rather than live for the moment trusting that God would supply my needs.

So where am I now after 6 weeks?

It would have been easy for me to say that in a sense I've failed. It has seemed to have been more of a Splutter than a Flow. The kind of think that you get from a tap after the water has been switched off for a time. The pipe is full of air and to start with the water comes out in uncontrolled spurts with gaps of nothing between. I've not managed to create for myself that space every day to pray and read the bible peacefully - sitting or more often standing on the train hasn't really worked - though it did give me some time for reading. And I've not managed to interact with all the Spiritual Exercises fully.

But some quite amazing things have happened to change my outlook. At the same time as I started Flow I started to see a counsellor. I was pleased when I learned she is a Christian who's favourite place is also Westminster Cathedral. On my third visit she said to me - what if because you didn't believe that your needs were met as a child you have gone through life never expecting them to be met - and even if they are you discount it somehow? It rang true so I thought what if deep down - despite what I might say I believe - I do not believe that God will meet my needs - it's part of my internal wiring. This tied in exactly with what Wendy spoke about at the next Wednesday meeting. So for me to say that Flow hasn't met my needs would be to behave in my old way of not expecting my needs to be met.

So has Flow actually met my needs? Well again it would have been tempting to have said that if I'd put more into Flow I would have got more out - and I am sure that that's true - but it has actually been a bit like the mustard seed - God has taken the little that I have been able to give and done something amazing - which is what Jesus says the Kingdom of God is like.

This fresh belief that I can really trust God is being tested now - we are facing another round of redundancies in my office I can really say that I believe God is going to meet mine and my family's needs whatever happens, and as a result I am much better able not to be anxious and competitive. And in a way because I am more trusting it makes me less likely to create the circumstances where I act out a self fulfilling prophesy.

So God has used Flow and the people I meet to shape me over the last few weeks. I have found that I can pray with people trusting that the Holy Spirit will help rather than me think that I have to rely upon my wisdom to say something clever, and I have a desire to create that place where I can pray and read the bible regularly. Flow is just the start - and although it may have started as a Splutter - I am confident that now I have that desire to live by God's living waters rather than my own leaky cisterns that in time that will happen.

Flow is... a challenge to spur me on

Tanya writes... When Jason first mentioned FLOW I felt that flutter in the pit of my stomach. I felt like this was that something I needed to spur me on - like a runner needs small goals/races to aim for. Of course once I had signed up, I wondered if I had done the right thing and when an email came around saying there were too many people and would any of us rather do it later – I thought perhaps this was my chance to back out. I also felt like if I didn’t do it now I might never do it......

My main reasons for doing Flow were to connect more with God and with other people.
Before FLOW I thought I was an OK Christian. That was because I believed, served, prayed a little, read the bible on the odd occasion, came to church etc. Outwardly I was looking OK.

Doing FLOW has made me realise many things....

I have questioned the depth of my belief and trust in God and I realise that I need to truly believe and trust God so that he can transform me. I need to sacrifice more of myself to him before he will reveal his plan for me
I thought it was good enough to simply regret a wrong doing – but I have realised that I actually need to repent which means being intentional about changing my actions and asking God for help.

I have never read the Bible much unless I felt like a quick fix verse. I have tried to read more but often felt as if I was missing the plot. Through flow I have discovered reading the Bible can be so much more meaningful if I take more time to ponder and meditate on what I am reading.  God cannot speak to me if I race through the reading as I would a magazine or newspaper. It is also not good enough to just conform outwardly to what the Bible says I need to ask for Gods guidance so that I can be transformed inwardly.

Part of the mission was getting up early and spending some time reading, praying and being silent. Still hard to get up at sometimes but I have found that it is so nice to start the day with God and make time to listen. I have really felt like it has made a difference in my day.

I have often wondered why I don’t seem to hear God speaking to me and I think sometimes we expect God to speak to us in big and miraculous ways that we miss the whispers. I have started to hear those whispers.... I have also become more aware of answers to prayer.

It has been interesting discovering more about my Spiritual gifts, personal style and passions.  I have been challenged by some of the outcomes and realise that unless I put my gifts into action they are useless.

I have really enjoyed FLOW and it has been the start of some small steps in the right direction so that I can try to arrange my life differently.

Flow is... refocussing life on Jesus

Alexandra writes... 18 months ago my life changed dramatically, I was involved in road traffic accident that left me with whiplash and nerve/mussel damage down the right side of my body and I was unable to continue with daily tasks/life without extreme pain and anxiety.

I also had other medical problems during this time that I kept ignoring as the pain from the accident was too much to bare any further discomfort and subsequently this became worse as I didn't want to endure more pain by letting the doctors investigate what the cause of my constant bleeding was, I put the pain down to stress and the impact of the accident, not to mention the vast amount of painkillers/ and antidepressants I was being prescribed to keep the pain at bay. This medical issue only got worse as my injuries got better, so yet again 11 months later I was in hospital and I had time to be alone with God and he started to mould me though all this pain he started to open my eyes and show me things I had never seen before. I was blinded.

During this time I was bedridden and couldn't do much for myself at all, all I could do was be with Jesus and know that I believed in him and found comfort in God's word and my Christian songs on my Ipod. I really came to the end of my old self, as I realised who really cared for me during this time, as all I held dear and thought was real turned out to be hollow and false..... I remember calling out to God whilst I was having yet another allergic reaction to the medication that the doctor prescribed to me, I said 'God there must be more to this life? Why am I in so much pain Lord? Help me!....

Subconsciously I knew that the only way forward was to completely surrender my life to Jesus and as I because better, I slowly started to let go of my old life and I craved more of the Lord, church and  my home group more and more...

I knew that there was only one way forward and that was with God, not me telling God what I wanted for my life, but giving my life to God and letting him in to take over and heal me from the mess my body and life where in. Don't get me wrong this was not easy, I felt like I was dying in body and mind, God had to bring me to this point to get my attention, I was so wrapped up in myself and what I wanted for my life. I was totally focused on money and materialism. In hindsight looking back I think that God orchestrated the whole event in order to get my attention...and once he had me, he didn't stop.

At the end of 2008, I felt that God wanted me to learn more about him and to find myself through Christ and when there was an opportunity to become part of Flow I jumped at the chance, I just had the problem of living so far away and the commute was very tiring. But I trusted it to God, He wanted me on Flow and I believed in him to help me out of the destructive relationship that I was in and I knew he was the only one who could give me the strength to do so.

I had so much prayer and support from all at church and in my home group for what the purpose for my
Life was and for God to find me a place to live in Sutton if that was his will for me to be on Flow and be closer to the church.

Answer to prayer came when a room became available in Sutton, so just 3 days before Flow started I had a complete break down and I knew that the Holy spirit was prompting me to move away from the people that where surrounding me and to chose him and choose life.

I'm reminded of Mat 4:1-11

The Temptation of Jesus

1Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. 2After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

4Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'[a]"

5Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6"If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'[b]"

7Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'[c]"

8Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9"All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

10Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'[d]"

11Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

So when FLOW started at the beginning of 2009 the timing was perfect because I wanted to rebuild my life and focus it totally around Christ and for what his will was for my life, not my will.

Flow has helped me with my self-discovery and healing. God has shown me that there are parts of my thinking and personality that need to change and about who I am in Christ, about my giftings and also my failures. That in Jesus there is no condemnation and always an opportunity for a fresh start.

I believe that flow will be the springboard into my new life centred on Gods will for my life. I don’t expect that it will be easy but as long as I stay in God’s will I know that He will give me the strength, ability and protection to see it through.

I want to find my purpose and become the woman that God wants me to be, and I believe that the things that Ive learned on FLOW will help me on that journey.

After wasting the first 27 years of my life chasing the empty dreams and false promises that the world has to offer, I have now found the presence of God in my life is what I’ve been searching for my whole life and now I know God's truth, that in Jesus I'm born again. He was my light when I was completely surrounded by darkness and he was my strength to help me through, he gave me the love to start healing my broken heart, body, mind and by God's grace I am now free and changed forever.

I want Jesus to be the centre of my life, it's his life not mine.

Flow is... discovering my identity in Christ

Beatrice writes... I have been a Christian since I was a child and have felt the Saviour calling and leading me.  I had no real knowledge or understanding of who Jesus is, the cross, suffering, the trinity and the kingdom of God.

For years I have been searching for love and truth in all the wrong places.  I was like "an infant tossed back and forth by the waves, blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming."

Just before Flow started I was at my lowest.  I felt lost, depressed, derailed.  I felt defeated and abandoned and my faith was fading away and it was all God's fault. In the midst of all this confusion and anger I knew deep in my heart that God has a plan and purpose for my life.  I just didn't know where or how to start or even if I would have the strength to.

In the past I have tried to live a Christ centred life but have failed.  I have come to realise that I cannot do this by myself.  I need help, more of Jesus, and Flow is the helping hand of God reaching out to me.

Oncew again when darkness tried to steal my heart away and sin demanded justice for my soul, grace and mercy said "No!" "I am not going to let you slip away, do not be afraid, come, learn, trust, obey..."

I wanted to learn to trust and obey.  I wanted to become more like Jesus.  To become a true reflection of Christ's attributes and a role model for my children.  I wanted to teach my children the truth, to discover how to worship christ in spirit and in truth and not stumble in the darkness like I did.

Flow for me has been a priviledge and an amazing experience.  A process of learning, discovery, growth, and refining me.  In 40 days I have learnt more than in 34 yrs.  I have found true love for God and myself.  Even though Flow is only the beginning I have laid an important foundation and I will run and finish this race that he has created me for.

Flow has been a challenge.  It has had ups and downs but the experience has been worth every minute.  I am learning commitment, obedience, humility, trust, and self control.  I have gained a better understanding of my brothers and sisters and how to pray for them.  I have been impacted by reflection, meditation on the word of God.  I am discovering the gifts of the holy spirit that I possess.

I have also come to realise and accept my weaknesses and strengths and am starting to allow God to gently transform me for his glory.

I finally gave my heart, all of my heart, to God.  To my amazement I have felt the living presence of God.  I have heard God speak to me, give me pictures and insight.  I have felt the holy spirit living and working powerfully in me.

I know the work is not complete and there is still a long way to go.  But I will have no more defeat because I am walking with Jesus, my king, and therefore my name now is victory!

Psalm 18:16-24 (The Message)

This week we here the experiences of Mark, Tina, Frances, Sonya, James and Clem...

Flow is... discovering I have a choice

Mark writes… It’s day 31 already and flow seems to be flying by!  When Jason first introduced flow I thought 40 days was a long time and that it would be hard to keep focused day after day, but now we are at this point I feel that I am only just beginning to connect with God in a deeper way than I have before and don’t want the 40 days to come to an end!!!

At day 11 I was still finding it difficult to focus when doing the daily prayers because I was worried about not having any work (I am a self employed consultant), I saw disaster ahead and so rather that focus on connecting with God I was focusing on the circumstances around me.  So I did something I have never done before and wrote down my frustration in my Flow notebook.  As soon as I started to write the words of frustration became a prayer to the Lord and rather that pour out negative thoughts I was asking Him to help me keep my eyes focused on Him and not my circumstances. 

I felt more peaceful but still anxious,  then the next Sunday (18th Jan) Jon had a word for people who were feeling anxious about their work/financial situation so I went up and asked him to pray for me and I really felt Gods peace and an assurance that He was going to provide for us.

By day 20 I found myself praying with much more focus and boldness, reading the bible passage with anticipation that God would speak through it with no worry or anxiety at all and felt I needed to write in my Flow notebook again to record my gratitude to God for holding me.  By this time I still hadn’t got any work, apart from 1 day, but I had a deep peace that God was in this and I was in safe hands and I began to see the faces of all the people who were praying for me and Chris and I felt overwhelmed at the support of all my family at VCS and the sense of Gods presence in my dining room at that moment.

Spiritual exercise 5 this week sums up what I have been experiencing and it’s all about the way that we think and what we allow our minds to dwell on, as Dallas Willard puts it it’s “where we place our mind?”  I had been looking at things through my own eyes in my own strength and things seemed very bleak, but when I asked God to put the situation into His perspective I could see that God has the resources of the universe in His hand and that is where my security is, in Him, not my own ability to earn a living to support myself.

The key bible passages for me in this are:
Romans 12 v 2 Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Our minds need to be rewired so that they see things Gods way and think His way, also

Galatians 5 16 & 17  So I advise you to live according to your new life in the Holy Spirit. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.  The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is the exact opposite to what the Holy Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are opposite from what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict.

Although I struggle with doubt and fear sometimes and my old nature pulls me to see things and think things negatively, each time I face a situation I have a choice and I can choose Gods way to see things and choose to believe He has the best planned for me through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Flow is...doing something to change rather than just waiting for change to happen

Tina writes... When I first heard Jason talk about Flow I thought that if group by group everyone in our church did this course, and even if only a part of what they lerned stayed with them , the effect on our our Church, and as a result our wider community could be phenominal.

I signed up for Flow myself because although I became a Christian and was baptised 18 years ago, if I am honest I never really felt I had progressed any further in my faith, and I definitely didn't feel I had the personal relationship with God that I heard people talking about. I guess at first I thought that some magical transformation was just going to happen to me in the course of the 6 weeks, and by the middle of the 3rd week, after some very uncomfortable excercises in self-examination, I was a little despondent that I just couldn't 'make the grade'. It was really encouraging for me at that point to hear other people talk about Flow as  'stepping stone', or starting point, because in my better moments I had decided that if all that happened at the end of 6 weeks, was that I had formed a lasting habit of starting and ending the day with prayer and Bible reading, with as much 'God awareness' as possible in between, well that was a lot further in my walk with God than at the beginning.

Now I feel I am at the point where although I really hate all the excercises that make me really think about how I function,and what needs to change in me, I am beginning to try and see myself as I am told God sees me, and little by little I can try and live up to that. It was quite a revelation the week we learned that to change you have to actually do stuff yourself, not just wait for it to happen!

I realised that something inside me had changed this week, when I went to spend 4 days at my Dad's- this is not easy, as he is an alcoholic ( a relatively recent occurrence), and is now also showing signs of dementia. If I am honest I did not want to go, but while I was there instead of feeling really stressed and resentful that this was happening to me, I felt very much at peace, and found an acceptance which I hadn't had before, and while I still don't know quite how I can deal with the situation from 200 miles away, I feel more able to try. This has to be a result of prayer and God's presence, as I am not generally a peaceful person in an uncomfortable situation, and this has really encouraged me, as has knowing people were praying for me in this situation.

I will really miss the shared meals and conversations after the 6 weeks are up, and think I will get 'flow withdrawal', as I have found the midweek meetings so helpful in thrashing out in discussion the weekly excercises. I think best while talking things through, and would often come to the group thinking I had not understood the excercise at all, only to find that my ideas really crystallised while listening to others talking.

I hope that Flow is the beginning of the rest of my life, and that it will be  life that is God centred. I am also pretty sure it will be one step forward and 2 back, but I have found a real desire to take those steps, which I am not sure was there before.

Flow is... not just practising diciplines but about friendships and fellowship too

Frances writes... When I first heard about Flow I was really excited and knew I wanted to be a part of it. To take the opportunity to start the year intentionally putting God first, whilst building relationships with others, was right up my street!
 
It didn't take long before I was challenged, in fact my first challenge was the spiritual exercise of week one! It encouraged us to take a look at our inner life and consider what was inside of us that God wanted to change. I knew that God was speaking to me, among other things, about a judgemental/critical attitude even before the course but this spiritual exercise highlighted even more that God wanted to renew me in this area.
 
There have been tough moments of feeling defeated with negative thoughts like "How am I ever going change?" and "I can't live this Christian life, it's just too hard". Then God reminds me that it's not about me doing anything, it's all about Him and His grace and mercy. Verses that have been very comforting and helpful are Phil 1:6 "...being confident of this that he who began a good work in you will carry it on 'til the day of completion" and Phil 2:16 "...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose".
 
Despite a feeling that Flow has been like being in the Refiners fire there have been many blessings as well. The daily discipline of reading the bible and praying and the spiritual desciplines we've learned more about have been a surprisingly pleasant experience! I have never found being desciplined easy, probably because I'm so unstructured (I know you fellow Flow-ers will know what I mean by that!!) but I really have enjoyed being more disciplined. I just pray it continues after Flow.
 
Probably the thing I've enjoyed most is the fellowship and friendships that have been born out of experiencing a deeper intimacy with God together with others. That has been a joy for me and I am really going to miss the mid week meetings and sunday fellowship.
 
I hope and pray that Flow will be the beginning of a more intimate walk with God and that the refining process continues until I meet my Saviour face to face.

Flow is...overwhelming

Sonya writes... Through flow, God has been revealing to me my sin.

I have been reminded here and there of things I can do to live in God’s kingdom, and I have done a few of them. I hope that what I have read and the ideas given to us I will be able to reflect on and use in the future.

I think that God spoke to me after the first weeks exercise and it was such a big whole life turn around thing that the rest of the weeks exercises have caused a backlog of processing and my brain has gone into meltdown.

I hope that God will continue to reveal things to me gradually and I will continue to grow and change in the future.

Flow is...bumping into our worst as well as our best

James writes... One of the main reasons I did Flow was to re-orientate my life and get into good spiritual disciplines, pray and reading the bible daily, which has actually gone okay.

However Jason said that this would probably show you the worst and best of yourself, and that has been the case. One area of my life I have always struggled is the area of giving financially, and I had never known why because I'm pretty good with money and am not normally stingy in giving it away if people need it. But as I looked into myself I started to see that subconciously there was a part of me holding back. I had a difficult childhood with parents in the middle of a difficult break up and being bullied, then a few years later I lost my mum and now my dad has parkinsons diesease.

I realised the reason I'd not been giving was becuase I blamed God for these things, and felt He owed me big time for them, and that all the good things in my life were merely compensation for the grief and pain I'd experienced. So I felt deep down God wasn't generous and He owed me. I knew this was a poor and wrong attitude, and have realised through doing flow not only that I had these feelings, but that even if I did, I can still choose to follow Jesus and to give, despite my feelings.

We've talked a lot about doing things intentionally, even if we don't feel like it, and I realised through Flow that I need to do this with my giving. I need to give intentionally, whatever my emotions might be trying to tell me. And as I have given, I have felt free from those feelings of resentment. I have found Flow is not easy, but it is good. It forces us to face our darker sides and issues we've avoided, and to take them to the cross and let God deal with them.

Flow is... a rediscovery of journey

Clem writes... Why FLOW?

My reasons for doing Flow  are not dissimilar to what others have said already. I have been a Christian for most of my life and I am dissatisfied with the way I live it and I want to get deeper with God and allow him  to be the centre.

A few years ago someone told me that I needed to rediscover my romance in God.  Often Jason mentions about romance and disillusionment and this pretty much reflects my life in God.  I have known blessings and painful experiences in life and God has always been with me through those periods. The set backs particularly  have made me timid in wanting to move on with things God has for me. This has resulted in just getting on with things without really relying on God for the best.

Flow for me is a rediscovery journey:
 
A rekindling of my romance with Jesus. Remembering God's mercy and grace for me and others around me. 
Developing that closeness of knowing that God is always with me even when I face some difficulties in life.

Being able to seize opportunities to share him without fear and intimidation.

Listening and Reflecting more on God's purpose for my life.
 
Being intentional with time to study his word and in praying.

Day 20 was significant for me in this journey as the Lord brought to my attention that I was to stop rushing around and being too busy. I was particularly feeling burdened about my personal health, Claudia and Simao. Elijah and Rob.  He told me that  I needed to reflect and rely on his mercy and let him bear my burden. 

I was reminded of the love of Christ in my veins
The strong Spirit bathing me
The three shielding and aiding me. 

We're now over half way throught Flow.  This week our 2nd group of people talking about their experiences of Flow are Debbie, Paul, Emma, Alan, Ruth and Rob:

Flow for me is ...... living out my purpose in God

Rob writes... I decided to apply for Flow as I have been struggling to achieve a more consistent walk and relationship with the Lord. I want to be really aware of His presence whatever I am doing.

I know the purpose that God has for my life and yet I do not always see how to achieve it. Two days before Flow started I had a dream which was so vivid it woke me up and I knew God was getting me to refocus my life.

There was a white guy who was rushing around like a headless chicken. He could not cope and he was getting more and more frustrated. A man who looked just like Morgan Freeman came up to him and calmed him down. He took him to a shop and bought him a bottle of chilled water. The white guy was so thankful. He did not know it but the water was exactly what he needed to receive. The black guy then got really excited. He had his journal in his bag and when the white man asked him why he was so excited he took the journal and began to turn the pages. Each part of what had just happened was recorded in the journal and the black guy crossed through each one to show that it had been done. He had fulfilled his purpose which was to meet the physical needs of others around him thus placing them in a position where they could see their need for God and draw them into His presence.

Flow is gradually helping me to get back to what is important in my life. There is still a long way to go!

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."

Flow for me is... a challenge and an opportunity

Debbie writes... Flow has been an important decision and commitment for me in my spiritual life.  I feel like I’ve reached a point where I need to take the next step to recapture some passion and enthusiasm in my faith.

During Flow, I’ve found that through focussing on making God the centre of everything I do my heart is starting to feel again the reality of Jesus.  The hourly prayer reminders have really helped me to put God to the front of my mind throughout the day.   I’ve really enjoyed using my spare time to read my Bible, & books to help me learn more about Jesus, rather than waste time on the internet, watching tv etc... Its’ also been really great for Paul & I to connect spiritually through doing this together.

The biggest challenge in flow for me has been having to go out three times a week & spend time with other people.  I am the kind of person who  needs my own space  I am usually very careful to  protect myself by managing my time carefully to ensure I get this space.    The commitments of Flow have not allowed me to do this.

Last Saturday I reached a meltdown.  I was physically & emotionally exhausted. My usual reaction to this kind of situation would be to grab my diary & immediately work out how many things I could delete from our plans to get my space back!  However, I was encouraged that instead, Paul & I prayed about this, and I felt that God would provide me with the resources I needed.  To me, this was a mini-breakthrough, as  I really found that I was able to trust God to help me, rather than have to first use my own coping mechanisms & turn to God second.

I’m sure this is just the beginning of a transformation, and God has a lot more work to do in me, but I am encouraged to start to feel this ‘warming of my heart’ which has been missing now for several years.

Flow for me is...a starting block for the rest of my life

Alan writes... I joined flow to return to a place I had once been with God, to restore the fullness of our relationship instead of going through the motions. Sure, I already had a quiet time in the mornings squeezed between breakfast t.v. and scraping a razor against my face. But I wanted to get more in step with God.

In the Summer I had been travelling across Crete by bus. We drove through mountains and into a plain dominated by a colossal rock they call the Omphalos. It is said to be the centre of Crete that all life revolves around.  So I wanted to find that place spiritually, to centre my life around the rock.

Day 1 –
Resisted pressing the remote control to tune into life’s gripes and groans on the t.v. news. Began reading about making a sanctuary in everyday life. Started praying Christ- Centred prayers( not me-centred for a change) and I prayed for others. Over the first week a profound peace descended upon me- man, even my driving was smoother. Work worries evaporated- I had a better perspective.

Week 2-
There was a change- I became easily distracted in the quiet times and had to work my mind back to peace. Work pressures built up. Unexpected flare-ups from the kids I taught, people leaning on me to get things done, unexpected troubles. But Christ was at my centre.

Week 3 –
At Flow group I discovered we were all going through the same struggles of holding onto the centre. I read about a monk who tried, failed and tried again-and-again-and again. He had become and abbot. It seemed worthwhile to persevere.

Week 4 now-
I’m finding strength to cope with even harder situations, like the head teacher telling me I should give up my extra responsibility, in case I got too stressed. Telling me he may take that decision out of my hands. He doesn’t see who I have as a helper.

Even though life is squashing me about, I am being blessed by encouraging words and pictures for me and for others. Meditating on psalm119-

“I run the path of your will, O God, for you have set my heart free.” I saw myself running down a thin glowing orange line of fire between high walls. A few days later the path became a trail through a spectacular canyon.

Praying “O Christ my shield” I found a policeman’s shield pinned to my jacket- my shield of authority in Christ I didn’t know I wore. “O Christ my protector” became a razor with its protector guard to stop you cutting yourself- because I was no longer using my sharp tongue for sarcastic self criticism. I declared “O Christ my strong tower”  and I found myself in a giant chess piece (the rook) being pushed into position by a divine hand.

 So I’m running on, knowing this is just the beginning of the race towards eternity. Flow isn’t a goal to get through; it’s a starting block for the run that will take the rest of your life. 

Flow for me is...going deeper

Ruth writes... I decided to do Flow because I knew I needed to take my faith deeper and put God first in many areas of my life. 

Since starting Flow three weeks ago I feel so much closer to God although the journey hasn’t been an easy one!  I am loving the daily readings and the book ‘Finding Sanctuary’.  During the first week I had a tremendous sense of peace, as my priorities for each day changed from being purely focussed on a ‘to-do’ list to being with God, listening to him, and praying for others. 

Each week God seems to be dealing with something different in me…

During the first week I had an amazing sense of peace, which lasted the whole of the first week!  Then through doing the Spiritual Exercises God highlighted an area I needed to work on: negative thoughts and fearing what others thought of me, has been a huge thing for me to sort out, but after prayer, my head now seems ‘cleaner’ and I again sensed that peace I felt at the start of Flow. 

During the third week the issue I’ve had to deal with has been apathy.  Half way into Flow, it’s so involved it feels like I’ve been doing this course for 3 months not three weeks, and I am tired and struggling to get up to pray before work especially if I’m working an early shift! 

This week has been a bit easier, (thank God!) as we’ve had personality ‘questionnaire’ type exercises to work through which I like, and exploring where our giftings lie using the Network course.  These have identified areas I need to sort out so that my focus is more on Jesus and ‘loving my neighbour as myself’ and less on myself and what I want out of life.

I am hoping that post-Flow I will continue the discipline of meeting with God before I start the day.  I want to set aside time in my diary each week to study and meditate on his Word.  I want to continue to develop and use my gifts for God and the benefit of others.  I would encourage everyone to do Flow!

Flow for me is... ask me in six months

Paul writes... We’re half way through Flow and already my thoughts are turning towards life beyond the daily routine of Flow.  Questions float around my head, will I keep the commitment of daily devotion and investment into my relationship with Jesus and others?  Will I continue with intentional living or will I float off back into unfocussed mediocrity?

I’m reminded straight away the temptation to live at 100 miles an hour, living as the consumer world would dictate.  It’s all to easy to be sucked into the live for now and have it all mentality and when you’re done move onto the next thing.  So what does Flow bring to change that?

Flow offers an alternative approach to daily living, silence, contemplation, meditation, prayer and reflection.  At first these were challenges for me to conquer, but very quickly I’ve found Jesus in the midst of the stillness and silence.  I’ve been able to reframe my day by inviting Jesus in and asking God to “journey with me today”.  Flow has challenged me to focus on Jesus rather than focus on the madness and mediocrity of the consumer world we find ourselves in. The more I listen, the less I know, the more I realise I need to listen. 

The real challenge is this: will I live intentionally even when Flow is finished, even when I’m not under the watchful eyes of my church family.  I’d like to think so, and I’d like to think that you might come and ask me how it’s going in six months or so.

Flow for me is... growing up

Emma writes... The main reasons that I chose to do Flow are around becoming what I call a ‘grown-up’ Christian. I’ve felt for a long time that I just go through the motions with Christianity and that it hasn’t been spilling over into my everyday life, particularly where non-Christian friends and colleagues are concerned. I felt really challenged at New Wine to be bolder and to live my faith at work but once the holidays were over and ‘real life’ started again, I found that I didn’t have the resolve or discipline to follow through.

So, Flow seemed the perfect answer!

The main aims I had for Flow before I started, were that I would be able to re-order my life around God, including while at school teaching and that friends and colleagues would know that I am a Christian and what that means to me.

So far, the journey has been very up and down, with the worst moments being some more dreadful than normal days at school and a car crash!

On the positive side though, I have been reminded of the reason I am on the earth in the first place and that has put the rest of my life into perspective. With that and the increased awareness of God in my day, it is becoming easier, slightly(!), to be bolder with my faith around friends and colleagues.

The other area that has been exciting me is how God is speaking to me through the readings we’ve had to do, both through the books and through the Bible. A lot of what has been standing out to me has been confirmed through other readings or through other people and what they have shared.

The reading that has hit home the most is the one from Romans 12. We read it as part of our daily readings on the 21st Jan and then the next day a friend, who had no knowledge of the daily readings, wrote me a letter where she suggested I read the same chapter. Once I had read it the first time, I had written in my journal that I loved this passage and that it was like a manual to being a Christian. These verses, Romans 12: 1 – 2 from The Message, sum up what Flow is about for me and the kind of person I’d like to become.

 “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life – and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.”

This week we hear from Tess, Chris, Richard, James, Inny and Paul...

Flow is... like a mirror

Tess writes... Day 15 and I’m sitting here at a quarter past midnight, trying to remember why I wanted to take part in the Flow programme…if ever there was an effective strap-line, “a short-term mission into your own life” must surely be it!

The demands of Flow are such that it feels like I’ve been doing this forever but also like I’m just at the start – there is so much more to be done in me, a life-time’s worth in fact. The reasons why I wanted (and still want!) to take part in Flow are many and varied and I won’t bore you with the detail, but I think that they are fairly well summed up in the prayer I wrote on the first page of my then-pristine Flow journal two long weeks ago:

“Lord Jesus, I want to be someone who needs you like I need water.  I want to live for you and you alone.  I want to be dead to me, to live a life of service that pleases you.  I want to be lost and found in you.  I want nothing else to matter.  I want to trust you and you alone.  I’m tired of praying the same prayers.  I want you to be at the centre, you at the circumference.  Take me, use me.  Make me bold, sold-out for you.  Set me on fire.  Amen”

I’m now discovering what a dangerously powerful prayer that was!

Flow is like a mirror, highlighting all the blemishes in my character.  The worst bit is knowing that those ugly bits were there all along and that this programme is just a vehicle which the Holy Spirit is using to get rid of all the dross in me which is bubbling to the surface (pride, anger, lack of trust in God) as He turns up the heat.

Some days I feel like I’m just going through the motions, but God is showing me that transformation (the life-long process of becoming more like Jesus) requires an act of the will and I’m finding that as I bring to God the little humility, love or faith that I have, He is consistently blessing and multiplying it according to the mind-blowing, divine principle of scandalous grace, in order to bring me more abundant life, and so that I can be a more effective channel of His blessings to those around me.

Bed now beckons…I’m so glad I haven’t been instructed to watch and pray!

Flow is... God in-God out!

Richard writes... if we are going to take flow seriously then it is going to hurt. This was the realisation or revelation that suddenly hit me this week.

During Flow we are being refined. God is using this course to refine us. Jason often talks about rubbish in equals rubbish out and we take in plenty of rubbish in our normal daily lives.

Since being on Flow the demands on our time in order to complete all the study tasks, prayer every hour and the books to read means that we have been taking in far more God stuff than we would do normally and hence less rubbish.

I have taken to not watching television during the week, (less rubbish going in) but instead reading the book called Finding Sanctuary one we are all working through on Flow.

Even at the end of week two as in the refining process of our lives heats up the impurities are beginning to rise to the surface and God is challenging us saying Well what do you want me to do with this then. Our study this week was on change and the fact that it doesn’t just happen, we have to WANT it to happen. So that seemed to fit right in with what i felt had been revealed to me.

The choice is ours as more and more of the good, no godly stuff that we are exposing ourselves to the more the impurities have to be forced out to the surface and being on the surface they are there I guess for all to see, and God the refiner stands there and says, do you want me to skim this impurity off ? Do you want to change ?

I pray that we want to change and that each week we absorb more God Stuff and less rubbish so that by the end of the six weeks people will really notice a difference in who we are, and where we are.

Flow is... being intentional

Chris writes...the reason I wanted to do Flow was for the discipline it would bring to my life.  I’ve wanted to spend time with God but didn’t know where to start and when I have tried I would get bored very easily.

The first 14 days have been great, but now I’m feeling quite low for no particular reason, I think I’m drained from brain overload.

Having done Flow now for 17 days I feel I have to make a choice about spending time with God.  We are given exercises to do each week taken from a book by Dallas Willard and he says ‘Projects of personal transformation rarely succeed by accident, drift or imposition’.  If you wanted to learn a language you wouldn’t just wait for it to happen you actually have to go and learn it.  I have to put the time into God, to let His Kingdom come into my life and change me for the better.

I have also enjoyed the meals we share on Wednesday’s and Sunday lunch.  I feel really excited that we all want a better relationship with God and making relationships with each other has been really good too.

Getting to church early every Sunday has been fine because for me there is a real expectancy of the Holy Spirit.
We pray before hand and then get set up for church.  It is great to serve in this way because you’re preparing for God’s presence to fall on his People.  Whatever job we are asked to do we can pray that God will bless it and that His Kingdom will come.

Flow is... a stepping stone not a panacea

Paul writes... it would be easy for me to be cynical at the half way mark of Flow and talk about my Flow fatigue!  Easy, because one of the main reasons I signed up to Flow was a self awareness of my own cynicism and a deep distrust that the story really does turn out happily ever!

For a whole variety of reasons I just got tired and jaded with a christian world view that promised Jesus would fix everything with a bit more faith but also could see no point in the world promises of happiness through the pursuit of frantic busyness, money, status and power.

Instead I gave up on dreams, promises, plans and hopes as things that disappointed and hurt too much to hold on to .  To quote John Cleese's character from the film Clockwise:  "It's not the despair. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand."

I settled instead for a survival mentality of keeping my head and my heart down. Forget planning, I'd just see what came along and make my choices on a daily basis.

Flow is a positive step for me in trying to begin the process of letting God enter my pain and pessermism.  As we talked in our group yesterday, Flow is unlikely to change me in 6 weeks something I have been doing for 6 years.  Flow is not a pancea to my problems, a miracle cure all.  Something I am glad about as I would never have applied if i thought that was what it was being sold as.

For me Flow is a stepping stone. A tottering step of faith. A small beginning.  So instead of being cyncial and reflecting on what Flow hasn't done, I've taken some brief moments to reflect on some of the +ive moments I've encounterd so far...

• stepping in a puddle this morning with a some suitable swearing under my breath and then realising that's the first time i've sworn like that for at least a week.  Not cos I've intentionally given up the joys of swearing but because I'm feeling a lot less frustrated;
• talking together with Debs about the spiritual exercises and praying for each other as part of shared time of daily prayer
• realising that "being busy" is my choice
• having moments of fun with my sons where I chose not to rush through an activity but enjoy being with them
• having my day regularly interupted for a few minutes in an awareness that God, in the words of St Augustine "is closer to me than I am to myself..."

Flow is...sowing habbits

Inny writes...

Flow is... challenging, hard work and gets you out of your comfort zone but rewarding!

James writes... I did flow because I wanted to get closer to Jesus.

For me it takes time for the penny to drop and last Thursday it did.  In my flow meeting that evening we had just finished praying for each other and was having a quiet time. When God gave me a picture of The 12 disciples then God gave me 3 words.  Those three words I had heard a couple of weeks ago in Jason’s talk, and they impacted me then, but it wasn’t until Thursday the penny dropped.  The 3 words are trust, commitment, and obedience.  With those 3 words comes my path to Jesus.

Flow is just the start.

Every week, for the next four weeks, we have asked a group of the people doing Flow to share their thoughts, experiences and stories with you.

So by the end of Flow everyone will have had a chance to journal their thoughts here.

We'll post them up every Friday and folk will also be sharing their stories in church on the following sunday.